How to Help Someone Having a Panic Attack

ByAnthony Caroleo
Contents hide
1 Watching Someone You Love Struggle: A Guide to Helping During a Panic Attack
2 Understanding Panic Attacks: The First Step
3 During the Panic Attack: Practical Steps You Can Take
3.1 1. Stay Calm Yourself
3.2 2. Acknowledge Their Feelings
3.3 3. Help Them Regulate Their Breathing
3.4 4. Grounding Techniques
3.5 5. Offer Reassurance
3.6 6. Create a Calming Environment
3.7 7. Avoid Certain Behaviours
4 After the Panic Attack: Providing Ongoing Support
4.1 1. Talk About It (If They Want To)
4.2 2. Help Them Identify Triggers
4.3 3. Encourage Professional Help
4.4 4. Encourage Healthy Lifestyle Habits
4.5 5. Learn About Their Treatment Plan
4.6 6. Take Care of Yourself
5 Building a Safety Net Together
6 Conclusion: A Journey of Support and Understanding

Watching Someone You Love Struggle: A Guide to Helping During a Panic Attack

It’s one of the most helpless feelings in the world: watching someone you care about experience a panic attack. Their breathing becomes rapid and shallow, their heart races, and a look of sheer terror washes over their face. As a partner, close friend, or family member, your instinct is to help, but it can be hard to know what to do – or, perhaps more importantly, what not to do. This guide is designed to offer practical advice and strategies to help you support someone through a panic attack, grounded in UK-specific resources and approaches.

Understanding Panic Attacks: The First Step

Before we dive into practical tips, it’s crucial to understand what a panic attack is. It’s a sudden surge of intense fear or discomfort that peaks within minutes. Panic attacks can feel like a heart attack or stroke, leading to even more anxiety. It is important to understand that while debilitating and frightening, panic attacks are not physically dangerous.

Symptoms of a panic attack can include:

  • Rapid heartbeat or palpitations
  • Sweating
  • Trembling or shaking
  • Shortness of breath or feeling smothered
  • Chest pain or discomfort
  • Nausea or abdominal distress
  • Feeling dizzy, unsteady, lightheaded, or faint
  • Chills or heat sensations
  • Numbness or tingling sensations
  • Feeling detached from yourself or reality (derealisation or depersonalisation)
  • Fear of losing control or going crazy
  • Fear of dying

Knowing these symptoms will allow you to recognise a panic attack early and respond accordingly. It’s also worth remembering that panic attacks are often unexpected and unprompted, though they can sometimes be triggered by specific situations or thoughts. If your loved one experiences recurring panic attacks or the fear of having them, they may have Panic Disorder, which can be treated with therapies like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or medication.

During the Panic Attack: Practical Steps You Can Take

When a panic attack strikes, your role is to be a calm and supportive presence. Here’s a breakdown of what you can do:

1. Stay Calm Yourself

This is the most important and often the most difficult step. Panic is contagious. If you become anxious, your loved one’s anxiety will likely increase. Take a deep breath, remind yourself that this will pass, and maintain a calm, reassuring tone. Your calm presence will act as an anchor, helping them to feel safer and more grounded.

2. Acknowledge Their Feelings

Never dismiss or minimise their experience. Saying things like “Just calm down” or “It’s all in your head” can be invalidating and make the situation worse. Instead, acknowledge their feelings with phrases like:

  • “I can see you’re having a panic attack.”
  • “This must be really scary for you right now.”
  • “I’m here with you, and you’re safe.”

Simply acknowledging their experience can help them feel heard and understood, which can be incredibly comforting.

3. Help Them Regulate Their Breathing

Panic attacks often involve hyperventilation, which can exacerbate symptoms. Guide them through a breathing exercise. A simple technique is the 4-7-8 method:

  • Inhale deeply through their nose for a count of 4.
  • Hold their breath for a count of 7.
  • Exhale slowly through their mouth for a count of 8.

Repeat this several times. Focus on making each exhale longer than each inhale. If this feels too difficult, try box breathing: inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. The key is to slow down and deepen their breathing to help calm their nervous system. Encourage them to follow your own breathing – modelling calm, regular breathing is helpful. You can say something like, “Breathe with me. In… and out… slowly.”

4. Grounding Techniques

Grounding techniques can help bring someone back to the present moment and away from the racing thoughts and physical sensations of a panic attack. Here are a few you can try:

* **The 5-4-3-2-1 Method:** Ask them to name:
* 5 things they can see
* 4 things they can touch
* 3 things they can hear
* 2 things they can smell
* 1 thing they can taste

* **Focus on Physical Sensations:** Encourage them to focus on a physical sensation, such as the feeling of their feet on the ground, the texture of their clothes, or the temperature of the air on their skin.

* **Use a Grounding Object:** If they have a favourite item – a smooth stone, a piece of jewellery, or a comforting blanket – encourage them to hold it and focus on its texture and feel.

* **Mental Maths:** Ask them simple maths questions. For example, ask them to count backwards from 100 in sevens. This can help focus their mind away from anxious thoughts.

5. Offer Reassurance

Remind them that the panic attack will pass and that they are safe. Repeat phrases like:

  • “This will pass; it always does.”
  • “You’re safe. I’m here with you.”
  • “You’ve gotten through this before, and you’ll get through it again.”
  • “This is just anxiety; it can’t hurt you.”

Avoid asking them lots of questions about why they are feeling anxious. Focus instead on providing reassurance and helping them manage the symptoms of the panic attack.

6. Create a Calming Environment

If possible, move them to a quieter, less stimulating environment. Dim the lights, reduce noise levels, and ensure they have enough personal space. Offer them a glass of water. If they are comfortable with touch, a gentle hand on their shoulder or back can be reassuring, but always ask first. Consider removing any potential triggers, such as strong smells or flashing lights.

7. Avoid Certain Behaviours

There are also things you should avoid doing during a panic attack:

  • **Don’t dismiss their feelings:** As mentioned earlier, telling them “It’s nothing” or “You’re overreacting” is counterproductive and invalidating.
  • **Don’t try to reason with them:** During a panic attack, the logical part of the brain is often overwhelmed. Trying to reason with someone in this state is unlikely to be effective.
  • **Don’t leave them alone (unless they explicitly ask you to):** Your presence can be incredibly comforting and reassuring.
  • **Don’t pressure them to “snap out of it”:** Panic attacks are not something people can simply control. Putting pressure on them will only increase their anxiety.

After the Panic Attack: Providing Ongoing Support

Once the panic attack has subsided, your role shifts to providing compassion and support. Here’s what you can do:

1. Talk About It (If They Want To)

Some people want to talk about their experience afterwards, while others prefer to process it privately. Follow their lead. If they want to talk, listen without judgement. Let them describe how they felt and what they experienced. If they don’t want to talk, respect their wishes and simply offer your presence and support.

2. Help Them Identify Triggers

If possible, try to identify any potential triggers that may have contributed to the panic attack. Was it a stressful situation at work? A difficult conversation? Identifying triggers can help them avoid similar situations in the future or develop coping strategies to manage them more effectively. Keep a “panic attack diary” together to help spot patterns. Note the date, time, location, and what happened in the hours leading up to the attack.

3. Encourage Professional Help

If panic attacks are frequent or significantly impacting their life, encourage them to seek professional help. In the UK, resources abound:

* **NHS:** Their GP is the first point of contact. The GP can refer them to a therapist or prescribe medication. The NHS also offers Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) services, which provide free or low-cost talking therapies. You can self-refer to IAPT services in many areas of the UK.
* **Mind:** The mental health charity Mind provides information, support, and advocacy for people with mental health problems. Their website (mind.org.uk) is a valuable resource.
* **Anxiety UK:** Another charity dedicated to supporting people with anxiety disorders. They offer helplines, online support groups, and information about treatments.
* **Private Therapists:** Many qualified therapists in the UK specialise in anxiety disorders and panic attacks. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) website is a good place to find a registered therapist.

Offer to help them find a therapist or book an appointment. Offer to attend the first appointment with them for support if that helps. Remember, seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

4. Encourage Healthy Lifestyle Habits

Healthy lifestyle habits can significantly reduce the frequency and severity of panic attacks. Encourage them to:

* **Eat a balanced diet:** Avoid processed foods, sugary drinks, and excessive caffeine.
* **Get regular exercise:** Exercise is a natural anxiety reliever. Encourage them to find an activity they enjoy, whether it’s walking, running, swimming, or yoga.
* **Get enough sleep:** Sleep deprivation can worsen anxiety symptoms. Aim for 7-8 hours of quality sleep each night.
* **Limit alcohol and drug use:** Alcohol and drugs can trigger or worsen panic attacks.
* **Practice relaxation techniques:** Encourage them to incorporate relaxation techniques like meditation, mindfulness, or yoga into their daily routine. There are many apps available such as Headspace and Calm.

5. Learn About Their Treatment Plan

If your loved one is receiving treatment from a therapist, ask if they are comfortable with you learning more about their treatment plan. Understanding the techniques they are learning in therapy can help you support them at home.

6. Take Care of Yourself

Supporting someone with panic attacks can be emotionally draining. It’s important to take care of your own mental and physical health. Make sure you have your own support system, whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist. Don’t hesitate to seek help for yourself if you are struggling. It’s difficult to pour from an empty cup.

Building a Safety Net Together

Living with panic attacks can feel incredibly isolating. One of the most valuable things you can do as a supportive partner is to help your loved one build a safety net. This might include:

* **Creating a “Panic Attack Plan”:** Work together to create a written plan that outlines what steps to take during a panic attack. This can include specific breathing exercises, grounding techniques, and reassuring phrases. Having a plan in place can help both of you feel more prepared.
* **Identifying Safe People and Places:** Help them identify people and places where they feel safe and supported. These could be friends, family members, therapists, or quiet spaces where they can go to calm down.
* **Developing Coping Strategies:** Work together to develop coping strategies for managing anxiety and panic. This might include journaling, listening to music, spending time in nature, or engaging in hobbies they enjoy.
* **Educating Yourself:** Continue to educate yourself about panic attacks and anxiety disorders. The more you understand, the better equipped you will be to provide support.

Conclusion: A Journey of Support and Understanding

Supporting someone through panic attacks is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and compassion. It’s not always easy, but your presence and support can make a world of difference. By staying calm, acknowledging their feelings, providing practical assistance, and encouraging professional help, you can help your loved one navigate this challenging experience and work towards a brighter, more peaceful future, together. Remember, you’re not just helping them through a panic attack; you’re building a stronger, more resilient relationship based on trust and empathy.

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